I spoke to my dear mother the other day and mentioned my plan to become a ginger in order to more effectively woo Ryan Gosling when I’m at TIFF next week. 

She poo-poohed the ginger plan (worried about me becoming a soulless devil no doubt) and said instead that I should re-visit my bangs era (I believe it’s called a “fringe”, for those of you over the pond. God, I can be so culturally sensitive sometimes. You’re welcome)

“Go back and look at the pictures,” she said, “You looked adorable.” and yes, admittedly the above picture is pretty delightful. However, this gratuitous self-shot doesn’t show the other 364 days during the ill-fated and short lived bangs-era when my “fringe” was pinned back from my forehead in an unhappy, greasy mess, the days where I would stand before the mirror, round brush and hairdryer in hand just sobbing and curling, sobbing and curling. 

Enjoy this picture guys, because it will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

(p.s. I kind of want bangs now. GODDAMMIT.)

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where would you be now if you didn’t stop moving?

Adam: What? Who asked that? Block them, they’re asking stupid questions.

I’m not answering that, it doesn’t even make sense. Where would I be if I hadn’t stopped moving? Right here, that’s where. (wandering away) Here drinking this stupid organic strawberry lemonade…(takes a sip) Gross.

(Click the Ask button on the right if you would like YOUR question answered by a man missing a significant chunk of hair from his right temple.)

Culinary Delights

         

For some reason I’ve been cooking a lot lately. Adam says I can’t call it “cooking” because no actual heating up of anything has occurred, but I mean I have been creating things. Edible things.

So. There’s that. Currently top of my list? Three things I didn’t think I ever would even enjoy, let alone become obsessed with: fresh coleslaw with jalapeno lime dressing (liked precisely because it’s not the gross, off-white, slimy mayonnaise-y kind), iced coffee and homemade salsa.

Did you guys know you could MAKE salsa? It doesn’t even take that long and it’s probably oh, ten kajillion times better than the three half-full jars of tomato-sauce slurry masquerading as salsa currently lurking at the back of my fridge. Truth. Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?

On second thought, they probably did. And my response was probably something like “Ugh, that sounds like a lot of work. Can’t you just buy that?” Um yes, past-Madeleine but the store-bought stuff tastes like SHIT now that I’ve had the real thing. 

I’m ruined forever saved!

This salsa is so good it makes me want to punch myself in the face. So good that when I get a hankerin’ for salsa I think – chips? What? Who needs ‘em?! I have a large spoon, no dignity and -look!- curtains that conveniently close so my neighbours can’t see me shoveling spoonfuls of delicious salsa into my mouth on the daily.

Most of the stuff I’ve been cooking – sorry Adam, MAKING – lately (salsa included)  has come from the reBar cookbook and the kitchen of the amazing reBar restaurant in Victoria, BC. If you haven’t been there and you ever get a chance, DO IT. And no, the stuff I have been making lately is not so much cooking per se. But I’m told that the cookbook does also have recipes for other things, things you heat up in that giant white box in my kitchen. The one currently housing cobwebs and the charred remains of my last culinary disaster.

Hahahaha oh god, let’s stop talking about my cooking abilities (or lack thereof hardy har har HAR) – I’m about to cry.

What’s that now? You want the recipe for punch yourself in the face salsa? Are we really doing this? We’re sharing recipes now? Alright, here goes.

Punch Yourself In the Face Salsa

(I’ll have you know I have even changed the quantities of some of the ingredients. That’s how pro I’ve become. I don’t just follow recipes anymore, I MAKE them. Sort of. Ish.)

5-6 ripe tomatoes, diced (organic or farmer’s market fresh obvs)

2 jalapeno peppers, seeds removed and very finely minced (the seed-removal tip was NOT in the cookbook and let me tell you, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN. Not everyone KNOWS to remove the seeds from jalapeno peppers REBAR. My tongue will never be the same (that’s what he said))

1 medium red onion, finely diced

1/3 bunch cilantro, stemmed and diced

Juice of 1-2 limes (to taste, I like mine reeeeal limey)

1 tsp sea salt

1 tsp brown sugar (for reals)

That’s it! Just chop all of the shit up and mix together in a large bowl, then draw those curtains and go to town! One batch should last 2-3 days in the fridge but if you get to day 2 with any left, you should probably get a bigger spoon.

Anyway. It’s amazing. Fiddle around with the quantities until it tastes to your liking. I hear you can do that you know.

SO. A recipe post. Who knew?