My latest book haul.

“How to Be a Woman” by Caitlin Moran should be required reading for everyone who has a vagina. In fact, for those who don’t have one too.

Seriously, just read it.

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Dental Work

Tonight Adam and I were discussing our recent trips to the dentist.(“FASCINATING!” I can hear you say, “PLEASE TELL US MORE!”) But of course dear audience! I live to serve, read on!
Me: Did you have that one sweet hygienist who is the most careful and over cautious lady ever?
Adam: Yes! The soft-talker? What exactly is wrong with her?
Me: (laughing) Nothing’s wrong with her, she’s just overly gentle.
Adam: (imitating her) Okay I’m just going to go ahead and touch your teeth so if you could just open your mouth a teensy tiny bit-oh that’s perfect okay now I’m going to lightly tap your teeth with this metal pick evvver so gently…
Me: (laughing harder) I know, it was a bit ridiculous. I’m glad she’s gentle though, every time I go they look at my baby tooth and I worry that they’re going to tell me they have to pull it out.
Adam: (suddenly straight-faced) What?
Me: My baby tooth, if it starts getting loose they’re just going to pull it and-
Adam: Baby tooth? What does that mean?
Me: …it means exactly what it sounds like. I still have one of my baby teeth.
Adam: What? Show me!
Me: (opening my mouth and pointing out one of my bottom molars is an adult tooth, it’s pair on the opposite side is a baby tooth)
Adam: (recoiling with visible horror) How did this happen to you?!
Me: I don’t know, there was just never an adult tooth underneath so the baby one never fell out I guess.
Adam: That’s disgusting! You’re disgusting! I can’t believe I never knew this!
Me: …
Adam:…
We sit and stare at each other for a few moments, me with bewildered confusion, Adam like I’ve just told him I have a tail.
Me: (simultaneously opening my mouth and slowly pulling up my shirt to display my outie belly button) BEHOLD! YOU ARE MARRIED TO A FREAKSHOW OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!
Adam: (frantically trying to escape me as he mutters under his breath) Oh my god, and we’ve reproduced!

Just in case anyone else out there is facing a cesarean and is more than a little frightened/apprehensive/grossed out at the thought of being cut open/feeling like they’ve lost control, this is an amazing video that I keep coming back to watch over and over.

Watching it makes my heart rate slow, my breathing deepen. I feel like I have a better idea of what will happen, what things will look like. I become less panicky and less stressed and start to feel like this is all do-able, that this will be okay, and even more than ok- it can still be a positive experience.

(Plus everything sounds better in a British accent, doesn’t it?)