This, my friends, is a vision board.

I made it last night to quell my anxiety and steady my nerves. I tried to incorporate as many positive images of pregnancy, cesareans and babies that I could, because I need all the help I can get right now to combat the fuckload of what-if’s trampling through my head every day.

What if the anesthetic doesn’t numb me all the way and I feel them cutting into me?

What if they have to put me under and I miss the birth of my first child?

What if the baby doesn’t breathe, can’t breathe?

What if, what if, what if.

Adam doesn’t understand it, this propensity of mine to dwell and worry, tease apart the infinite myriad of ways a situation could go wrong. I have to admit that I don’t quite understand it myself, I know that time spent worrying is time wasted – and yet it persists, this dark rambling stream.

Last night I got overwhelmed, I realized that I needed something outside of my head to focus on, to fixate on. Something positive.

We went to the store and I bought magazines and I sat there for two hours like a kindergartner with scissors and glue, and after I was done I taped it to the wall where I would see it as I went to sleep and as I woke up. I plan on taking it into the OR with me, and I don’t care if it makes me look like a crazy hippie, I need something bright and colourful, something positive amongst the scrubs and surgical steel.

Whatever it takes, right?

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I’m sorry Gus, it had to be done.

Not-A-Nursery Part II

As we discussed earlier, dear little demon baby doesn’t have a room of his/her own. The guest room houses the dresser/change table, clothing, diapers etc. and our room will be where the baby sleeps.

So, behold! Part two of baby-izing our home.

Our bedroom nook before:

        

And now:

        

This little corner is so jam packed with craftiness from our family and friends, I almost don’t know where to begin.

The gorgeous nursery wall art was created by my good friend Jody. She is an incredible graphic designer and worked meticulously to find a font, layout and design that would work in our room. She even made a girl version and a boy version of each one ( Just changing the gender pronouns, colour will remain the same.)

I currently have one of each hung, and will switch out the other when we find out the baby’s sex.

The smaller canvas was handmade by my two littlest sisters, Hilary and Mawney, and hangs where the baby will be able to see it while (hopefully) going to sleep.

These two are adorable and thoughtful, I simply can’t wait to see them holding their very first niece or nephew. 

        

The incredible quilt was handmade by Adam’s mom – quilt-maker extraordinaire! A few months ago I sent her a link to the fabric and asked if she would make a little crib quilt with it, but what she gave us at the baby shower went so above and beyond – as you can see by the series of crazy faces I’m making here:

        

Better pictures of this work of art are here:

        

This is one of those amazing things we can pass down to each of our kids, it will  get more worn and loved with each year and be made ever the more special because it was crafted with love by Grandma. 

(I’m not crying! YOU’RE crying! *sob* It’s okay, no judgement, lets just move on.)

The mint green knitted blanket was made for Adam by a customer of his, who is particularly fond of him (what can I say? My man has a knack for charming elderly ladies.) It was such a sweet gesture, and funny that the colour fits so well with my current obsession with mint, turquoise, teal etc.

     

And finally, one piece you don’t see in the pictures above, because it wasn’t quite finished when I took them, is the cradle my dad spent so much time working on.

    

He made this by hand when my big brother was born, 31 years ago. He is fond of reminding us that there isn’t one piece of metal in the whole thing – nary a screw nor a nail. He spent the whole weekend refinishing, sanding, staining and repairing it so that the baby could sleep for the first few weeks in the same cradle that all of my siblings and I did.

There’s a lot of love crammed into this tiny corner. We can’t wait to bring baby home.

9 Month Pregnancy Steeze

       

And also, to counteract the immense guilt I feel at misrepresenting myself by posting a picture taken on one of the few days I’ve actually gotten dressed instead of just wearing leggings and baggy sweaters all day, and acting like this is the norm rather than the exception, here is another, less flattering picture.

     

Definitely my good side.

(Photo taken by my baby sister Mawney. This is why everyone needs siblings: they keep your ego in check.)