There’s a situation in my life which has been quietly simmering for roughly two years now. Within the last six months however, the simmer has grown to a boil and over the course of the next few months it will almost absolutely overflow.
I swear I’m not trying to be purposely obtuse and I am sure I will share the details with you at some point. I am a writer after all, putting words onto paper (or pixels onto screen as the case may be) is more cathartic for me than therapy, or even, dare I say it, a stiff vodka-lemonade. Creating something beautiful helps negate the ugliness that so often fuels the need to write in the first place.
ANYWAY. Due to the overwhelming amount of stress and stress and oh, STRESS, in my life at the moment I desperately feel the need to express gratitude. At the risk of sounding Pollyanna-esque, I need to look on the bright side, put things into context and calm the fuck down.
So. Things I am grateful for (in no particular order):
- Firstly, my health. Yes even, despite the kidneys. I feel strong lately, in a physical sense if not an emotional one. I am not fighting a Sisyphean battle with addictions, I am not morbidly obese, or battling a fatal illness and I have all of my limbs, senses and mental faculties. I am still here.
- My family (even though, and perhaps especially because, we always shit too close to the cupcakes). In my work with teens and even amongst my friends I have seen many dysfunctional families and it is difficult to overstate the impact of a close-knit, unconditionally loving family. Having that safety net, that team behind you is incredibly valuable and I am doubly lucky that I was both born to incredible parents and gained a whole other awesome set when I married Adam. These bitches have my back.
- My job: A) Because I have one at all and B) Because, despite the occasional heartbreak (see “addiction” above) I get to spend a good portion of each day being reminded of how incredibly smart, witty and resilient this next generation is. I feel lucky that hundreds of teens have trusted me, confided in me and laughed at my lame jokes over the past four years. Also, I now know more about teenage boys than I ever wanted to.
- OH! Here’s a good one, just, you know the teeny tiny fact that I live here. In one of the most beautiful parts of the most beautiful countries in the entire world, where I am able to express my opinion both as a person and as a woman. I can vote, move freely, earn money and know that in the next few days I will eat, have shelter and probably not be killed, robbed or raped. Yeah, that.
- Adam. (If you’re feeling nauseous today maybe skip this one because it’s about to get reeeeal cozy up in here!) I’ve never met a man more ridiculous, strange or loving. He irritates the hell out of me, (to the point that I thought it perfect to choose a pearl as my engagement ring) forces me to become a better person and constantly challenges me to move beyond my too-strict ideas about what a life “should” look like. I am a better person for having met him. It’s been nine years and if you asked him, he wouldn’t hesitate before guaranteeing you another ninety more.
- My friends. I don’t know how to elaborate on this one, where to begin. They remember my birthday, fly me to Toronto for visits, let me live vicariously through their singleton adventures and over the years have listened to me obsess about a seemingly inexhaustible range of topics including but not limited to: self hair cuts gone wrong, doomed crushes, midnight breakdowns, bunny custody fights, fear and loathing in small towns, sexcapades, and things I wouldn’t even tell you, INTERNETS. They are the shit.
- And of course all the little things. Things that could be found in the Book of Awesome. Clean sheets, sunlight, goat cheese, beautiful shoes, cut flowers, secrets, books, books, books.
Pollyanna OUT. Thanks for reading.