Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you’re satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you’ve got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you’re trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.
Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club (via apna-pragmatic-munna)
I have harboured a deep and abiding love for Rob Delaney ever since I discovered his filthy tweets shortly after figuring out what a twitter was.
Him threatening to sue Kim Kardashian if she doesn’t stay married only makes me love him even more:
I’ve been married for five years. To the same woman. I’ve wanted to divorce her at times. She’s wanted to divorce me at times. But one great thing about marriage, when it’s entered by regular folks, in good faith, is that it’s hard to exit. It costs money. You have to talk to lawyers during business hours except whoops—you have a job that you need to earn money to buy food and pants—so when are you going to both take the time to do that? By the time you’d have gotten around to it, you’ve forgiven each other and maybe even reached a new appreciation for each other as you worked through whatever seemingly insurmountable problem made you hate each other for 20 minutes while you sat in your shitty car outside a CVS yelling at each other and crying. Because guess what, Kim? That’s a huge ingredient in a SUCCESSFUL marriage. Sometimes it sucks. And I don’t mean lower-case “s” sucks. I mean it SUCKS so fucking hard you’re POSITIVE you’ll give yourself stomach cancer or an embolism as you try to make your spouse explode through telekinesis. When you relax, however, and remember that you’re a bigger asshole than they are, with enough neuroses and calcified bad habits to warrant their own card catalog, you realize that they’re struggling through life’s shit storm just like you. Then you take a shower together and fuck while laughing.
– I Am Suing Kim Kardashian, by Rob Delaney via Vice
From BetterThingsToDo, the following wisdom:
“Well, I have a limited knowledge of horror movies (due to the over active imagination) but usually when there’s some secret hidden room with a new strange paint job or wallpapering its due to the fact that whoever was in there fucked some shit up.
Don’t call the cops, they are usually involved or already aware. Burn some sage, put an object in the middle of the room, close that creepy little door and wait. If the object moves it’s time to get up outta there.
As for Adam, J would pull that fuckery too and probably try to move our room into the creepy room. Don’t let any of the creepy rub off on Adam though, he’s susceptible to possession. J would be possessed in a heart beat.
Oh, and don’t call the priest, apparently they don’t fare well if the exorcism goes awry. “
She’s right though, Adam is totally susceptible to possession. He would probably let it happen voluntarily just to see what it felt like.